So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
