Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
