Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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