marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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