idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
