I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
