oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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