When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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