she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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