get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
