so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
