Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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