Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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