She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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