You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
