So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
