and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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