i would punch a child for taco bell
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
