I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
