i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
