apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize