Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
