I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
