I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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