Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize