in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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