Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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