just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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