I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
