oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
