He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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