I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
