Rock
Scissors
Fuck
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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