i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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