Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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