Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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