took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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