He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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