Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
