i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
