i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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