Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
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WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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