he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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