So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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