ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
