Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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