my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
