so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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