Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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