I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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