I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
