Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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