Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
