it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
