He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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