he was CRYING into my vagina
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
