I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.