How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard