Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
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its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.