i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
