your thong is hanging out like whoa
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
