My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
