Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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