I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
