i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize