While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
