i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
