No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
