Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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