Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
