i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
