I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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