Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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