If i come over, it means nothing
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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