I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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