just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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