Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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