Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
