why didn't you poke me back
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
